Should I send a message to my younger self, it would be: ‘Stop pretending! Live for and with yourself! Each and every day!’. My days of uncertainty agony have passed. My years of pathologic doubt are behind me. I only live for myself now. Finally!
That is not to say that I live alone! Au contraire! I’m happily married to the love of my life, we raise four madly restless, amazing children together and our suburban life includes a beautiful, loving, joyful dog always running on our wild green lawn, a parrot we found in our front yard a year ago and his lovely parrot girlfriend bought less than a month ago. I could go on, but I promised myself this one would be about fashion. Sort of…
I was born and raised in a typical East-European family, inheriting from my father a wonderful physical willowy structure but also the urge to vocally defend myself even when I was wrong and from my mother a handful of dormant artistic skills and a Greek-descent nose. That, along with many, many more have shaped my childhood to the point of wanting to escape so badly, I was desperately pretending to be another person almost every other month.
As I wasn’t exhibiting any paranormal abilities, nor could I meditate like her Russian gurus, my mother slowly, painfully realized that her daughter wasn’t paranormal at all. That I was as ordinary as they get:
I grew up fantasizing about long hair and wearing stockings on my head and braid them into Rapunzel’s tail. I grew up dreaming about riding bicycles or roller skates which weren’t allowed to me so I ended up daydreaming a boyfriend like The Renegade’s Lorenzo Lamas ^_^ . I grew up wanting to dance and picturing me as Dirty Dancing’s Baby waltzing away with Patrick Swayze.
Do you know: What fashion is to you?
20 was my age of fairy-tales came true: my hair finally grew as long as I wanted it to be but by then I was already working long office hours so it didn’t matter if I had long hair because I kept it in a tight bun or pony tail. I bought myself the kinkiest pair of roller skates and a nasty bicycle. But I wasn’t all that proficient in rollerskating or biking as I fantasized I would be. Actually – I was so afraid about bruising myself that I scared myself frozen.
I finally got to freely listen to music and be able to go dancing in clubs only to realize my back pains were too much to handle when twerking on the dance floor.
See also: It’s ok to be imperfectly dressed!
Fast forwarding to my happy present life I realize I knew nothing or almost about existence. Nothing really helped – not my Father inoculated verbal cacophonies or the slender frame I inherited from him, not my Mother’s Greek nose or alien books…
My Husband taught me life can be beautiful, loveful and so, so happy! My children taught me life can make you laugh now cry later and hug throughout, my dog has taught me that restless isn’t loveless, my house taught me to about perseverance, being steady and solid, my blog … oh, my blog taught me so much! About life, about style, about the world!
It came to be at the same time as my loveful, happy life. I was learning to stop pretending by knowing and looking at the others. I was still doing it wrong. It took me 7 years to learn how to do it right. 7 years – amazing, right? Like a newborn growing its way to school, I finally had my solid base layered and I was growing to be myself at last. Through every day, every week and every year so far, my stories atone to my evolution.
What I learned about life and fashion confondues can be summed up in a simple idea:
‘Stop looking/listening and paying attention to what others tell you that you should be/are! Just BE! There is no wrong or right YOU, just YOU!’
I do not pretend anymore. I do not pretend to be the Queen of my Mother’s Heart, the Queen of Middle School, the Queen of College, the Queen of the Office, the Queen among my friends. I am my Husband’s Wife, my children’s Mother, my own Woman. With a head of unruly curls and a Greek nose, long, strong legs and a will to Happy. No, there’s no verb needed there. Happy is enough.
I’ve looked into my past, I live in my present fully knowing where and how I came to be and fully wanting my present and future life Happy. Clutter keeps you from being happy? De-clutter! A pair of boots keeps you from being happy? Buy the boots! A strand of hair keeps you from being happy? Cut it! Happy is not a search. Happy just is. It is us who need to allow ourselves Happy!
Are you Happy with your fashion? Or are you just wearing what’s in store for the season? Maybe you’re wearing what you read you should? Or buying what you’re supposed to wear? Are you letting your clothes stand between you and Happy you? (…to be continued)